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Ashes to Ashes

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Ashes to Ashes is a 2008 British television drama series, which serves as a sequel to the 2006 series Life on Mars.

Series 1

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Deja Vu [1.1]

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Gene Hunt: Today, my friend, your diary entry will read: took a prozzie hostage, and was shot by three armed bastards.
Gene Hunt: Blimey, if that skirt was hitched any higher I could see what you had for breakfast. Ray, cuff this nancy berk. Chris, look after the lady. Classiest prozzie I've seen all week!
Alex Drake: [recognising her rescuers] DC Chris Skelton?
Chris Skelton: [surprised] Roger that.
Alex Drake: DS Ray Carling? [Ray, busy beating up a suspect, looks up] Gene Hunt!? [Alex faints in shock]
Gene Hunt: My reputation precedes me!
Gene Hunt: [after rescuing a dazed Alex from being run over] Are you crazy? Do you have any idea how much paperwork there is for suicides?
Alex Drake: [to Gene Hunt] Just look at me! Look at me! I am trained to get inside the criminal mind. And now I'm stuck in my own — with you!
Alex Drake: You're taller than I imagined.
Gene Hunt: I'm bigger in every department.
Alex Drake: [feeling Gene's heart beat] It's beating... that's incredible!
Gene Hunt: [slaps his hand on her breast] Fan-dabi-dozi. Now then, Bollingerknickers? You gonna kiss me? Or punch me?
Gene Hunt: Don't waggle your fingers when you say my name.
Alex Drake: Well, you're not going to keep me here for seven years. I'm going home. I'm going to my little girl's birthday party.
Gene Hunt: You're pissed.
Alex Drake: And you... are a bloody figment.
Gene Hunt: You're very pissed.
Alex Drake: I'm going to be sick.
Gene Hunt: Doesn't surprise me.
Alex Drake: I was supposed to go HOME!
Gene Hunt: Your presence is required here a little bit longer... by me.
Alex Drake: My name is Alex Drake. I've just been shot and that bullet has sent me back to 1981. I may be one second away from life, or one second away from death. They say that as you die your life flashes before you, all those memories and mistakes that form us. Well bring it on, my life can flash away as much as it wants because I'm not going to die. I'm coming back to you Molly.

The Happy Day [1.2]

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Alex Drake: Will you just shut up and listen to me! This is my bloody fantasy, and I will be listened to!
Gene Hunt: Excuse my colleague. Education of a toff, manners of a sewer rat.
Gene Hunt: [to Alex Drake] Take that seatbelt off! You're a police officer, not a bloody vicar.
Gene Hunt: Personally I have no desire whatsoever to see your bony, privately-educated bottom, but it's good for morale.
Alex Drake: A real, living, breathing Thatcherite businessman. How completely brilliant.
Gene Hunt: Personal friend of the Great Handbag herself, so try and behave.
Alex: I promise not to twang his red braces.
[the elevator doors open, revealing Danny Moore; Alex's eyes widen.]
Alex: ... more than once.
Gene Hunt: We found a small amount of explosives on land near the Royal Docks.
Alex Drake: Well, technically a small dog found it. He's an even smaller dog now.
Gene Hunt: [after Shaz offers an opinion on the intended target of a bomb] When I need advice from a lobotomised Essex girl, I will ask for it!
Alex Drake: Please?
Gene Hunt: No.
Alex Drake: I'll let you stamp my bum.
Gene Hunt: I'll get my coat.
Gene Hunt: DI Bollyknickers, you appear to be drunk in charge of a handbag and dressed like a tart again.
Alex Drake: Oh, piss off, you lardy fascist!
Gene Hunt: We'll make a copper of you yet.

Nothing Changes [1.3]

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[Chris is eating a kebab]
Chris Skelton: Steady on, Guv! Nearly lost me breakfast then!
Gene Hunt: What is that?
Chris Skelton: It's a kebab.
Gene Hunt: Looks like a bloody pasty with its arse hanging out!
Ryan Burns: I am the vine! You are the branches! John, Chapter 15, Verse 5!
Gene Hunt: You're nicked for the murder of Delphine Parks, the rape and attempted murder of Nina Akiboa. Anything you say will be taken down, ripped up and shoved down your scrawny little throat until you're choked to death. Gene Hunt, Chapter 1, Verse 2.
Alex Drake: Be honest, Viv. How do I look?
Viv James: Uh, fine.
Alex Drake: Thank you. Word of advice? Don't bother with poker.
Gene Hunt: An agency girl that accuses a client of rape, that's going to go down about as well as a pork pie at a Jewish wedding.
Alex Drake: When they say it's difficult for rape victims to be believed, I wonder why?
Gene Hunt: She gets paid for having sex.
Alex Drake: It's not about sex, is it? It's about control, and power, and revenge.
Gene Hunt: Maybe tell me about it some other time, like when I'm in a coma, or when I'm dead.
Alex Drake: To the interview room? Where's the rape suite?
Gene Hunt: Rape suite? Is that with or without a minibar?
Alex Drake: This requires a cognitive interview procedure.
Gene Hunt: We're fresh out of cognitives. What say we just talk to her?
Alex Drake: I don't think she'll open up with a man present.
Gene Hunt: Plenty of women have opened up to me without so much as a shandy down their necks.
[After Alex enters Gene's office, having spent the night drinking and having sex, following a failed attempt at seduction on Gene]
Gene Hunt: I am trying to help you here!
Alex Drake: Well I don't need your help! Their archaic attitude is their problem, not mine!
Gene Hunt: Wrong. It's my problem. To keep this department running smoothly, I need their respect, which I've got. They look up to me, they should be looking up to you and all!
Alex Drake: What do you want me to do, morph into a nun!? IT'S NOT LIKE I'VE SHAGGED AN ENTIRE RUGBY TEAM, IS IT!?
Ray Carling: [outside] I'll bet she has. [the rest of CID laugh]
Alex Drake: It's your fault, anyway!
Gene Hunt: How is it my fault!?
Alex Drake: Because you left me on my own, and I ended up with some Thatcherite wanker!
Gene Hunt: I told you to go to bed, alone! If you'd listened to me in the first place, we wouldn't be wasting my time, having this ridiculous conversation!
[After Gene questions Alex's insistence on warning prostitutes of a killer on the loose]
Alex Drake: The skeleton in the closet. Private education, years at Oxbridge, all counted for nothing really, because I, Alex Drake, was once a prostitute.
Chris Skelton: Bloody hell!
Ray Carling: [chuckles] I knew it!
Alex Drake: There, I've said it.
Ray Carling: [chortles] Christ on a bike!
Alex Drake: That wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.
Gene Hunt: You're telling me you lied to get onto the force?
Alex Drake: No, actually. What I just told you was a lie. I did it to show you how your preconceptions can inform your judgements about other people, especially prostitutes. Sorry.
Gene Hunt: You know, sometime I hate you, Drake.
Alex Drake: [chuckles] So I'm not what you'd expect a prostitute to be? If I said I'd been raped, you'd believe me but not someone like Trixie, not a woman like that?
Gene Hunt: No, not hate, despise.
Alex Drake: Alright, so I'm not a hooker. But if I was, do you know something, Gene? You could never, ever afford me!
Gene Hunt: You know, you might talk with a plum in your gob, love, but I would rather go with one of them [gestures to a number of prostitutes in the background] than waste my money on some bitter, twisted, messed-up, clenched-arsed, toffee-nosed bitch like you! [Alex slaps him] You feel better now?
Alex Drake: No. [she punches Gene in the mouth] Better now. [to an astounded Chris and Ray] Come on, ladies, what are you waiting for!? Let's get pissed!
[edit]
Gene Hunt: Right! How many birds does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two! One to run around screaming "What do I do?" and one to shag the electrician!
Alex Drake: You're so naive.
Gene Hunt: And you're pissing me off!
Alex Drake: Artemis. Goddess of the hunt. Good work, Viv.
Ray Carling: That you, is it? Goddess of the Hunt?
Chris Skelton: Sounds like a potent symbol of female power.
Gene Hunt: Contrary to what Commie nutters like the RWF believe, and what you seem to have forgotten, this is the land of bloody democracy! Land of Hope and Glory! Rule Britannia! Roast Beef and Yorkshire Pud!
Gene Hunt: Oh dear Lord, if this is a test, I fear I may fail. And I thought it would be the booze or the fags but oh no! I'm gonna die in an underground vault, in the company of a posh, mouthy tart with a head full of brains and the common sense of a grain weevil.
Gene Hunt: Very nice, very poppy. Don't expect me to dance, though.
Gene Hunt: I am trying to find out who murdered this man. If that makes me a fascist, then "Heil bloody Hilter!"

The Smoking Gun [1.5]

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[Alex, Gene, Chris and Ray have walked into a hotel room minutes after Neary has had gay sex. Chris opens up a briefcase that turns out to be full of sex toys. He holds up a dildo and inspects it.]
Chris Skelton: He must have bloody big ears.
Alex Drake: Wrong orifice, Chris. It's a butt plug.
['Chris looks at it, still puzzled.]
Gene Hunt: It goes up your arse, Chris!
[Gene mistakenly believes that Alex was a hooker after she explains her cover for an investigation, and after setting him straight says he might have 'fancied a punt'.]
Alex Drake: Hang on, hang on! Now this is worth getting straight. I'm imagining you, imagining paying for sex with me, in my imaginary role, as an imaginary street whore.
Gene Hunt: You must have a filthy mind.
Alex Drake: Like an absolute sewer, apparently.
Alex Drake: Can we concentrate please on the crimes he commits and not whose cock he sucks?
Alex Drake: What am I doing here really? What is the point of all this?
Gene Hunt: To dress like a tart. Wiggle your arse in my direction, and fill my days with glimpses of the depths of your depraved mind. It's good enough for me, Bolly.

Over the Hill [1.6]

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Gene Hunt: You know some people get Pick Of The Pops, I get Pick Of The Twats [Looks at Chris]
Gene Hunt: Oh ye of little faith.
Chris Skelton: All hail the mighty Quattro.

[Hunt's throwing trash bags out of his car]

Alex Drake: Excuse me, THAT is evidence!
Gene Hunt: Wouldn't worry about it, 'cause you're off the case.
Alex Drake: Oh, off the case?!
Gene Hunt: Off the case and off the team.
Alex Drake: Ooh, off the team?
Gene Hunt: Yes! Actually no, you can clean my car out.
Alex Drake: I'm off the team. [Turns to leave]
Gene Hunt: Well, you're back on it!

[Drake is leaving with the trash bags]

Gene Hunt: Drake, I want you making my car smell nice again. Drake, get back here! Drake! What are you ...? You're off the team!
[Gene has just rescued an unconscious Alex.]
Gene Hunt: [Opening her shirt] I've bloody dreamt about doing this.
[Gene begins to give chest compressions to Alex]
Gene Hunt: Don't you dare!
[Gene checks to see if she is breathing. Realizing she is not, he goes to give her mouth to mouth. Right before he can do it, she wakes up]
Alex Drake: [Putting her hand on Gene's face, obviously dazed] I figured it out. I made the connections, and, I solved it. And you saved me. And if you saved me, maybe I can save them.
Gene Hunt: [Putting his hand on Alex's head] Yeah, I think it's called concussion.

Charity Begins At Home [1.7]

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Alex Drake: The mind's an amazing organ...
Gene Hunt: I've got an amazing organ.
Alex Drake: ... capable of much more than you could imagine.
Gene Hunt: Right again.
[Gill Hollis is shooting at the CID]
Gene Hunt: [running] Get in, quick!
Chris Skelton: Get back, we're under attack!
Luigi: What do you mean, attack!?
[The CID run through the door. Gene falls on top of Alex]
Luigi: Shoot at my place! Bloody bastids!
[Suddenly, the shooting stops]
Alex Drake: It's stopped.
Gene Hunt: Shh, shh, shh... Chris! Give us a gun!
Chris Skelton: Oh shit, I must have left it in the car...
Gill Hollis: Hunt! Hunt, come out and face me!
Gene Hunt: Well what a surprise. It's that lovely lad who does the charity work.
Alex Drake: Well get off me then!
[Gene gets off of Alex. They sit up and realize one of the bullet holes lines up perfectly with her head]
Alex Drake: I propose, that given your reaction to the gender balance of the gang, that this is their first job.
Gene Hunt: What, New Kids On The Block?
Alex Drake: Now that's a good name for a boy band!
Sharon 'Shaz' Granger: Gov.
Gene Hunt: Chris, Take That! It's the dodgy second hand car dealers. East 17!
Chris Skelton: Alright, Backstreet Boys.
Ray Carling: Yeah, let’s get 'em Busted!
Alex Drake: Ooh God! I'm gonna scream!
Gene Hunt: All right, I'm putting a end to this.
Alex Drake: No, no, you can't go!
[Alex grabs Gene's hand]
Alex Drake: Somebody is going to die!
Gene Hunt: I am not going to die in a trattoria!

Alex's Big Day [1.8]

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Gene Hunt: [to Alex] You want a hunk of the Gene Genie in case the nasty man scares you?
Gene Hunt: I want this place cleaner than a virgin's pudendum!
Chris Skelton: What's a pudendum, Guv?
Gene Hunt: You are, Chris! You are!
Alex Drake: You still owe me dinner.
Gene Hunt: What?
Alex Drake: Tonight's my last night. So, that's it then. It's a date. Our last supper.
Gene Hunt: Can I be Jesus?
Ray Carling: Bloody hell, they have better dialogue on Dynasty!
Alex Drake: [to Tom Robinson] I know you. You end up on Radio 6. You fall in love with a woman and have two kids.
Ray Carling: Don't worry mate. She says stuff like that all the time.
Lord Scarman: I've seen plenty, thank you! I've spent the night with a mentally ill man who thinks he's a police officer, who you now seem to be entrusting with actual police work. I've seen two of our most brilliant barristers treated with appalling disdain!
Gene Hunt: I'm sure we can arrange a car to take Lord Scarman home.
Lord Scarman: I've talked to several young, homosexual men, and heard their despair, their dreadful tales of police harassment.
Gene Hunt: Put it all in your report, your Lordship!
Lord Scarman: The police harassment of sexual and racial minorities is an endemic, ineradicable disease threatening the very survival of our society!
Gene Hunt: [coldly] Catchy title. Got "Bestseller" written all over it. Now if you'll excuse me...! [turns away]
Lord Scarman: I'll be keeping a beady eye on you, DCI Hunt! [Gene turns back to face him]
Gene Hunt: Is that right!? Well you can take this home in your Harrods pipe and smoke it! In twenty years time, when the streets are awash with filth, and you're too frightened to leave your big, posh Belsize Park house after dark, don't come running to me, mate! Because I'll be in Alicante, oiled up, skin sizzling in the midday sun like a burnt sausage!
Lord Scarman: If you're quite finished... ?
Gene Hunt: No, not quite. You can despise us, you can disown us, you can even try and close us down, but you will never break us! We are police officers! We are brothers! We are UN-BLOODY-BREAKABLE! [all of CID cheers and applauds his words]
Gene Hunt: How would you like to grow up knowing your daddy tried to blow you to kingdom come?
Gene Hunt: [to a young Alex Drake] Bye, little lady. Any problems, you just call the Gene Genie.
Alex Drake: How come you were there, taking the little girl's hand? That couldn't have happened. You weren't there. You're not real.
Gene Hunt: I'm everywhere, Bolly. I was needed and I was there.
Gene Hunt: Unbreakable, Bolly. Unbreakable. Unlike this bottle of wine which is undrinkable.

Series 2

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Episode 1 [2.1]

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Alex Drake: [on Gene's cursory questioning of a suspect] Well, was that it? I've seen bacon grilled for longer than that.Oh great, I'm even beginning to sound like you.
Alex Drake: [in the quattro stuck in traffic as a man walks across the road holding a sign shaped as a large penis] There's a man with a giant penis.
Alex Drake: Auto-erotic asphyxiation.
Gene Hunt: What?
Alex Drake: By strangling himself like that his dying brain cells released glutamate. To prevent glutamate overload the brain releases a receptor. It's these receptors that give rise to the feelings of euphoria.
Gene Hunt: I didn't know you had a PhD in masturbation, DI Drake.
Alex Drake: You're not drunk.
PC Kevin Hales: I'm just a pebble on the beach, Ma'am. I'm nothing. We are everywhere. Everywhere.
Ray Carling: Guv…?
Gene Hunt: What?
Ray Carling: Fire up the photocopier!
Alex Drake: She's not a tart Ray, she's an actress.

Episode 2 [2.2]

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Gene Hunt: [to Alex Drake] You've got a very pretty face but you go on longer than the Eurovision Song Contest.
Gene Hunt: [to Alex Drake] You and me, Bolls, we're a team. Fighting the rot together.
Gene Hunt: A quick reminder, Drakey. I am one of the good guys and you are on my side.
Alex Drake: This will never be my side.
Alex Drake: You're playing with them.
Gene Hunt: No, that's just the way I'm standing.
Gene Hunt: But we've got even bigger fish to fry in this hornet's nest. We only have one stab at it otherwise it'll be like rats leaving a sinking ship.
Alex Drake: Metaphors- all over the shop.
Gene Hunt: I know. Clever, innit?
Gene Hunt: You're looking very chirpy Bolls, you been sitting on top of the washing machine again?

Episode 3 [2.3]

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Alex Drake: Guv. Do you think if I've saved some lives, that means I'm worth saving?
Gene Hunt: If you say so. Now get your boney arse back here.
Robin Elliot: I can feel something from you, Alex. A sadness. You're physically present, but really, you're elsewhere.
Alex Drake: Elsewhere?
Robin Elliot: I understand, because I am too. I'm playing the piano. Same piece, over and over and over again, until it's perfect.
Alex Drake: You know, you sound to me like someone who wants to live.
Robin Elliot: Everyone wants to live, Alex. But who are we to decide who's worth being saved?
[Gene enters the cell and sits opposite Robin, teasing him by eating a fish supper]
Gene Hunt: Who did this?
[Gene eats another chip]
Gene Hunt: WHO DID THIS?!
Robin Elliot: We have enslaved the rest of creation.
[Gene loses it, smashing his head into the fish supper]
Gene Hunt: You should be in Broadmoor!
Viv James: There's some vegetarians waiting to be interviewed.
Gene Hunt: Right, force-feed them some oxtail soup 'til I get back.

Episode 4 [2.4]

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Gene Hunt: Luigi! Bottle of your cheapest champagne, I'm about to become a daddy!
Gene Hunt: Right, quick word about police brutality — lots of it.
Alex Drake: What do you do for a hobby, Mr Jarvis?
Mr Jarvis: I don't follow you.
Alex Drake: Collect rare stamps?
Gene Hunt: Or fishing tackle?
Alex Drake: Or garden gnomes?
Gene Hunt: Or young virgins straight from the coach station?

Episode 5 [2.5]

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Gene Hunt: Bolls, don't cry. That's an order.
Alex Drake: I'm not.
Gene Hunt: Now if you don't stop crying, I might even start feeling sorry for you. And God forbid, I might even have to put a comforting arm around you.
Alex Drake: If I may paraphrase Dorothy Parker, I don't think we should put all our eggs in one bastard.
Gene Hunt: What other bastard have we got?
Gaynor:Not until you call me by my name....GAYNOR!
Gene Hunt:I'll call you what I damn well want you gender bender, wierdy beardy, freak of nature. (Gaynor knees Gene in the balls)

Episode 6 [2.6]

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Chris Skelton: Think he drowned, then?
Gene Hunt: No, Christopher. I think he tried to drink the entire river for a bet and failed!
Alex Drake: [to Gene Hunt] I feel different. I feel better. I think they've done it. You haven't seen the best of me. Before I go, I think you're really gonna be surprised because I haven't felt this good in a long time.
Ray Carling: I'm like Liberace.
Chris Skelton: Poofter?
Ray Carling: No, no… the other one. What — what's his name? Valentino. That's it, I'm like Valentino.

Episode 7 [2.7]

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Martin Summers: [to Alex] What? You expected us to disappear? In a puff of smoke? Matter meets anti-matter, time imploding on itself, that sort of thing?
Sharon “Shaz” Granger: Several people were looking for Mr. Hugh Jarse. And it turned out Mike Rotch was quite popular too.
Alex Drake: Right.
Sharon “Shaz” Granger: Five or six had chronic asthma and… one man had some very imaginative suggestions.
[Gene's office. Skelton puts his warrant card down on Hunt's desk]
Gene Hunt: What's that?
Chris Skelton: Warrant card. I wish to offer my resignation from the force with immediate effect.
Gene Hunt: No.
Chris Skelton: What?
Gene Hunt: No, you don't get off that easy. I want you to stay a copper. And know every second, of every minute, of every day, the true depth of your full betrayal of the force. Of Shaz. Ray. Yourself. Jail isn't your sentence, Chris. I am.

Episode 8 [2.8]

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Sharon “Shaz” Granger: It was a horrible shock but I'm not ashamed of you. I'm proud of you.
Chris Skelton: How could you possibly be proud of me?
Sharon “Shaz” Granger: Because you care when you get it wrong. It matters to you and that takes something special. I love you for that. Do you hear me? I love you.
Alex Drake: I have to stop this infection. Time's running out for me, Guv.
Gene Hunt: Yeah, and time's running out for moi.
Alex Drake: That's French.
Gene Hunt: Sorry, I'm under pressure.
Alex Drake: [on the tape] Why have I pitched up in his world? Any minute now I could be dead. And if he finds me out, what would he do? What would he do if he knew the truth? I have to fight. I have to fight him, but... What does Gene Hunt represent? I- Oh God, I've got to get out of here. I have to get away from him. I hate this place. Maybe Summers can help, but Hunt must never know-
[Gene stops the tape as he sees Alex coming to his office.]
Alex Drake: Tiny doesn't know anything about King Dong, but he's scared, Guv. He says the rot runs right to the top and they are everywhere. "Trust no-one."
Gene Hunt: Yeah, trust. Tricky thing to come by. Why am I a threat to you?
Alex Drake: I don't follow.
[Gene holds the tape up to her; she snatches it.]
Alex Drake: Where the hell did you get that?
Gene Hunt: It was on my desk.
Alex Drake: ...He left it for you, didn't he?
Gene Hunt: And who would that be?
Alex Drake: It's very complicated, Guv. It's- it's very difficult to explain.
Gene Hunt: What, you- you analysing yourself now? You love it, don't you? The sound of your own voice. Is that what you do of a night? Sit at home talking into a machine, working out ways of bringing me down?
Alex Drake: No. No, you have to believe I'm on your side.
Gene Hunt: Oh, I want to believe you. But you've got to tell me the God's honest truth about yourself, Drake.
Alex Drake: Time's running out for me here-
Gene Hunt: Yes, it is. You know, I look around, I see Chris taking bungs, the grave of my old boss, bent as a farthing, and I, erm... I feel adrift. You talk to me, Alex. If I mean anything to you at all.
[Alex nods, puts the tape down on the desk and gathers herself to explain.]
Alex Drake: I'm from the future. I was shot. And I woke up here, with you. Just like Sam Tyler, only... only this is my reality. And I'm fighting not to die because if I die, I will never get home, and it's insane but there it is. And I trust you, which is why I'm telling you the truth.
[Gene looks away in silence.]
Alex Drake: Guv?
Gene Hunt: You know, I ask for the truth, and you piss in my face.
Alex Drake: No. No, no, no, no, no, no. Please, please don't do this. I'm telling you the truth. I thought it was all in my head, but Summers, Summers is here too and- and he's from the future and I saw him, I saw him. He shot his younger self. He's behind Operation Rose and I- I don't know why, but I do know that I have to stop him.
[Gene picks up the tape and hands it to Alex.]
Gene Hunt: Get out of my sight, Inspector.
Gene Hunt:You like Westerns?
Jenette: Love them.
Gene Hunt: Wayne, Stewart, Cooper or Eastwood? It's important.
Jenette: Wayne for the machismo. Stewart for the warmth. Cooper for the romance. Eastwood for the mystery.
Gene Hunt: Above all?
Jenette: Gary Cooper.
Gene Hunt: Me too.
Jenette: Not for the romance.
Gene Hunt: No, not for the romance.
Jenette: Not against a bit of romance though, are you?
Gene Hunt:Carnegie, you've just been Quattro'd!
Gene Hunt: Do you remember? Young copper. Ready to put the world to rights. Spick and span, very proud. You remember that?
Martin Summers:Yes.
Gene Hunt:Hold onto that thought. It's a good'un.
Martin Summers:It is.

Series 3

[edit]

Episode 1 [3.1]

[edit]
Alex Drake: [title sequence introduction] My name is Alex Drake. And quite frankly, your guess is as good as mine.
[In her 1982 coma world Alex sees each member of the team in turn on a TV while in a electricals store]
Ray Carling: Come on, wake up! The doctor stopped the bleeding in your gut months ago. I wasn't gonna come here, but we've got this missing girl and what with the guv in hiding I'm on my own. Wake up! Come on, wake up! Help me!
Chris Skelton: I couldn't get grapes so I got a melon [Alex laughs at the Chris' comment on the display] I'll leave it here for you. This Dorethy stuff, Dorethy Blond, we're all at sea on it boss, ma'am, what with the guv on the run, it's been three months now... Oh, Shaz is coming in later. We're not together anymore, but that's cool... It's not the same without you ma'am. Can't you wake up and...
Shaz Granger: There's some melon on the floor ma'am, do you want me to clean it up? It's not fair, you made things better and then you left us. I went back to making bloody tea and biscuits. I should have got a job at Peak Freans. If you came back, I know you'd help me...
Jim Keats: Alex? Look at what he has done to you. You don't know me, but I read all about you, you're the best of them Alex, it's not fair. He did this to you and I don't want history to repeat itself. I don't want you to end up like...
[The image cuts to flashes of all the characters who have talked yo Alex while she has been in her coma, until finally Gene appears]
Gene Hunt: Wakey, wakey Drakey. Oh come on, you weren't that shot.
[After waking from her coma in 1983, Alex is met by Gene]
Gene Hunt: What's the matter with you, you dozy mare, you walked right into the path of my shooter, I don't fire magic bullets, you know, they don't go bending in the air. They said I tried to kill you Bolls, but I knew you would not let me down, we're a team, Bodie and Doyle. I'm the one in the SAS and you can be the one with the girl's hair. Now get your knickers on, we're leaving.
[After leaving the hospital Gene and Alex stand in an alley talking. Gene drinks from a whiskey bottle]
Alex Drake: Where did you go?
Gene Hunt: Abroad. The Isle Of Wight. That was shit, so I tried the Costa Brava. It was the best Full English I've ever had. Then I thought, "Why am I running? Gene Hunt doesn't run". I'm in a mess, Bolls.
Alex Drake: So am I.
Gene Hunt: I'm fighting for my future.
Alex Drake: Me too.
Gene Hunt: Get up. Come here.
[Alex stands and Gene examines the gunshot wound on her stomach]
Gene Hunt: I'm sorry. I could have hit my target but you fell all wrong.
Alex Drake: Sometimes in life you can't help which way you fall.
Gene Hunt: You do know that when I walk through those doors they're gonna come for me?
Alex Drake: Yeah... Well, there's only one thing for it. Let's fire up the Quattro.
[Viv stands in custody talking to a elderly woman, Gene walks in escorting Alex]
Viv: Don't worry I'm sure we'll find Tinkerbell as soon as we have... [notices Alex and Gene] Bugger me sideways.
[Gene and Alex enter the CID office; Gene eyes the information on a display board]
Gene Hunt: What's this? Dorothy Blonde, kidnapped yesterday morning.
Ray Carling: 8:21. The parents are on their way in. There's been a ransom demand.
Gene Hunt: Well, we better get her back then, hadn't we? Who's in charge of this shambles?
Ray Carling: I am. I'm a DI now.
Gene Hunt: A DI?!
Ray Carling: It's not that incredible. [Gene walks to the door of his office where his name has been replaced with Ray's] DCI Timmons wanted to keep hold of his office so I thought I would...
Chris Skelton: We didn't think you were coming back, guv.
Gene Hunt: Nor did I after the report you gave the enquiry.
Chris Skelton: They asked all sorts of questions they already knew the answers to.
Alex Drake: Rhetorical.
Chris Skelton: Nah, it was definitely English.
Ray Carling: You can't just come back in here and pick up where you left off, what about the enquiry?
Gene Hunt: Ray, if you ever come into this office again dressed like a maths teacher, I'll paint your balls the colour of hazelnuts and inform a bunch of squirrels that winter's coming.

Episode 2 [3.2]

[edit]
Gene Hunt: [extremely annoyed] Right, you lot, sit down and do some bloody work! I've got D&C coming down on me like a ton of bricks, and all you bastards can do is bicker like girls! It ends now! Right, can we just have five minutes peace and quiet, while I feed my hangover a small Scotch, thank you?
Ray Carling: [After Chris finds a severed hand in the mail] Looks like you got your hand-job after all, mate.
[Keats brings Ray to his office to interview him as part of his evaluation of CID]
Jim Keats: Take a seat Ray.
Ray Carling: Blimey. It's hotter than a Majorcan minge in 'ere!
Jim Keats: Sorry. Poor bloody circulation.
[A concerned Gene bursts into the dating agency after Alex has been absent for some time]
Gene Hunt: [To desk clerk] I'm lookin' for love. You got any?
[Comparing their false dating forms]
Gene Hunt: You know what!? You'll get every soppy, pustular virgin this side of the Blackwall Tunnel!
Alex Drake: [smugly] At least I'll get some replies.
[Having apprehended a potential murder suspect]
Gene Hunt: Are you a killer, Harris?
Harris: No, Mr Hunt!
Gene Hunt: Are you a dishonest little scrotum who's been buying shit lager with somebody else's chequebook?
Harris: Yes, Mr Hunt!
[Gene grabs Harris in a headlock]
Alex Drake: [exasperated] Is this strictly necessary?
Gene Hunt: No, but it's bloody good fun!
[After Drake learns she was lied to at a speed-dating event]
Ray Carling: [chuckling] The oldest trick in the book. "Oh, the wife's just died. I'm bringing up two kids on me own". Next thing you know, your ankles are right behind your ears!
Gene Hunt: Looks like you've been stitched up like a kipper, Bolly!
Alex Drake: [furious] Little shit! Let's get him!
Gene Hunt: I know your professional pride is...
Alex Drake: Piqued?
Gene Hunt: Trampled on like a dead rat. But one gloomy prognosis doesn't make a case, we need evidence. [to Chris] See if he's got a record.
Alex Drake: I could go in again as bait.
Gene Hunt: No, he's already seen you. He liked them young.
Alex Drake: [offended] I am young, you rude git!
[After Shaz has played an instrumental part in bringing down a killer]
Ray Carling: Can I just say, that I might not have been the biggest supporter of women in the police force. [the rest of CID laugh] Hey, it's not my fault I've got an illness with a posh name! What's it called?
Alex Drake: Misogyny.
Ray Carling: But what Shaz did tonight was incredible. [the others applaud] And I for one am very proud to have been a colleague of yours. [the others applaud and cheer]
Gene Hunt: Right Shaz, let's put an end to this leaving nonsense!
Shaz: Guv, I thought you said you wouldn't mention it!
Gene Hunt: I lied. It's long been an ambition of mine to see you out of your uniform -- [the rest of CID laugh]
Shaz: GUV!
Gene Hunt: No, I mean out of THE uniform. What I'm trying to say is you keep up this quality of work, you'll be in CID by Christmas!
Gene Hunt: You know, Keats and people like him, they wanna take us down, Alex. So whatever he says... don't help him.

Episode 3 [3.3]

[edit]
[Gene, Alex, Chris and Ray arrive at the suspects house. Gene walks up the driveway and addresses the suspects wife]
Gene Hunt: Cup of tea, sugar, pleanty of milk and my biscuit of choice is the garibaldi.

Ray arse of the Quattro

Episode 4 [3.4]

[edit]
[The team arrive at the mortuary and view the body of a dead drug dealer]
Ray Carling: If I wanted to wipe out a bunch of dealers, I’d grab 'em, shoot 'em up and overdose 'em. Then they'd be just another statistic.
Alex Drake: We wouldn't've even noticed Warren Johnston's death if the guv had not wanted to speak to him. Which makes you wonder, doesn't it? How many times has this happened before? Because this is murder!
Gene Hunt: Yes, thank you, Quincy.
[Gene and the team watch for the whereabouts of the undercover police woman while waiting in the Quattro]
Gene Hunt: Hey up, there she is, Miss Undercover 1983.
Ray Carling: Oh yes! Leave this one to me guv...
Gene Hunt: Good, right! Looks like old Danny Boy is going down faster than a five pound prozzy.
Louise: Being undercover, it’s not what I thought it would be.
Chris Skelton: Well, you've got balls though. [Louise looks at Chris] You know what I mean, you've got balls, balls as in...
Jim Keats: You look a little strung out.
Alex Drake: Do I? Well I haven't been sleeping well. Erm... This may sound a bit strange to you but I think I'm being haunted.
Jim Keats: Metaphorically or...
Alex Drake: ... No, literally!
Jim Keats: Huh! Odd is probably underselling it a bit then. I can't say I believe in all that sort of thing to be honest.
Alex Drake: No, nor do I, well not in the real world I don't...
Jim Keats: Who is haunting you? An old lady? A creepy child? King Edward the Second?
[They both laugh]
Alex Drake: It's a police man, actually.
Jim Keats: Oh ,that's interesting.
[The team pull Danny Stafford over and search his car]
Gene Hunt: Where you off to Danny? Church?
Danny Stafford: I'm off to see the girlfriend for a spot of morning glory.
Gene Hunt: What at five in the morning? Do I have gullible written on my forehead?
Alex Drake: Here we go again.
[Gene leans in and Danny looks briefly at Gene's forehead giving Gene the opportunity to head butt him]
Gene Hunt: You see I know you're lying Danny because your lips move, just like your old man.
[Ray opens the glove compartment to Danny's car and finds some heroin]
Ray Carling: Guv, you'll want to see this.
Gene Hunt: [To Danny] What's this? A little present for the girlfriend?
[After Danny escapes the team searching his car, Gene, Chris, Ray and Alex give chase to him. Danny jumps over a brick wall and Chris tries to throw a can of fuel oil at Danny but misses. Gene follows Danny over the wall while the team wait. Lots of smashing and crashing can be heard from over the wall. After a moment Gene pops his head over the wall next to a Blue Peter logo on a sign]
Gene Hunt: Would somebody like to give me a hand dragging this bastard back over?
[Alex spots the sign]
Alex Drake: Is there a garden in there?
Gene Hunt: Yes, why?
[Cut to sometime later in the CID office. The team watch an episode of Blue Peter on their TV. The presenters talk about the garden being vandalised and the members of CID stare at Gene]
Blue Peter Presenter: Vandals broke into the Blue Peter Garden and caused rather a lot of damage and one really cruel thing they did was to pour fuel oil into the fish pond. We've drained the pond and rescued some of the fish although a lot of them have died and the fuel itself has caused a lot of damage. If that wasn't enough, they then smashed our sundial and callously threw into the pond. We hope to repair the damage, but it is very sad to think that there are a few people that take such pleasure in...
Gene Hunt: It's only a bloody garden! [To Shaz] Turn it off.
Shaz: It’s such a shame, those poor little fish.
Gene Hunt: Off!
[Gene and Alex stand in a corridor discussing Louise and her undercover operation]
Alex Drake: I was thinking after all this is over we could bring her onto the team.
Gene Hunt: No!
Alex Drake: Why not?
Gene Hunt: She's a damn fine copper but she's too much of a liability.
Alex Drake: I think she would be alright under you guidance.
Gene Hunt: Do I look like a piece of toast?
Alex Drake: No?
Gene Hunt: Then stop buttering me up like some demented housewife.
[In the interview room Alex interrogates Danny Stafford while Gene stands against a wall]
Alex Drake: Five dealers dead in two months. A van load of heroin which you tried to steal. A network of dealers you tried to set up...
Gene Hunt: Not to mention the party pack in the glove compartment.
Danny Stafford: How would you feel if someone much younger than you, better looking came in and took over your patch? Tried to get all the glory?
Gene Hunt: They'd melt in my shadow, son.
Gene Hunt: Right, Viv, would you please escort Mr. Danny Stafford back to his luxury suite.
[After Louise has been seen by Danny Stafford, Alex and Gene question their next move]
Alex Drake: She's not safe here. We have to get her out to somewhere safe.
Gene Hunt: Well what about that place that sells cheap plonk?
[The scene cuts to Luigi’s Restaurant]
[After another tough case is solved the team sit down to enjoy drinks in Luigi’s Restaurant. Luigi brings the drinks over to the table]
Gene Hunt: What is that?
Luigi: Its cocktail hour.
Gene Hunt: Is there any chance that I can get a drink that hasn't minced its way over here from Mayfair?
Gene Hunt: Thank you Jim for what you did. Thank you for gracing us with your presence, for coming down from your ivory tower to poke and prod us mere mortals and for giving me the chance to work with such a fine figure of a man. You know, sometimes i'm surprised that i can even look at you, such is the brightness of the sun that shines from your arse. Thank you Jim, Thank you.

Episode 5 [3.5]

[edit]
[Gene and the team are in the middle of an undercover sting. One of their suspects starts to run and Alex draws a gun on him. She hesitates]
Gene Hunt: You gonna shoot him, Bolls?
[Alex remains silent but lowers her gun]
Gene Hunt: No? Right, let's go run him over!
[After Litton arrives on the scene]
Alex Drake: Who is you?!
Gene Hunt: That is Litton. Detective Chief Inspector Bastard Litton!
Alex Drake: You don’t believe all that Police Widows stuff, do you?
Gene Hunt: No! It stinks more than a month old Chinky.
[Chris, Alex and Shaz watch Frank Hardwick performing on TV. Frank cracks some sexist jokes and Chris laughs while Alex and Shaz stare blankly at the screen]
Chris Skelton: He is funny...[Chris clocks Alex’s and Shaz’s reaction] If you like jokes about hating women.
[Gene asks Chris to retrieve a selection of pornographic videos so that they can plant them on Frank. Chris takes his time about doing so]
Gene Hunt: Come on Christopher! I asked you to bag up some porno, not watch it!
[Chris and Gene wait outside the club in order to catch Frank. Litton and Bevan arrive. Gene starts to tell them that he is about to arrest Frank Hardwick when Chris spots Alex and Shaz entering the club]
Chris Skelton: Guv!
Gene Hunt: Not now Chris, I’m gloating!
Chris Skelton: No guv, it’s Drake and Shaz.
[Gene turns to see Alex and Shaz]
Gene Hunt: Oh Drake, don't you bloody dare.
Gene Hunt: [Referring to DCI Litton and DI Bevan] Right, well, thanks to Litton and Large here we’ve got an attempted murder on our hands.
[In the interview room Viv waits with Frank, setting up a tape recorder for the interview. Gene enters]
Gene Hunt: [To Frank] Right then you little scrotum – talk!
Viv: [Into the tape recorder] DCI Gene Hunt has entered the room.
Gene Hunt: [Into the tape recorder] 8:32. Gene Hunt takes a sip of tea.
[Gene pours his cup of tea all over the tape recorder so that it malfunctions and he can continue to interrogate Frank in his own way]
Ray Carling: What would you do if someone wasn’t telling you the truth?
Chris Skelton: Why, you been to that Tranny bar again?
DI Bevan: [To Alex] The thing about Hunt is not what he did but what he got other people to do.
[Gene is sat in his office, Litton enters, closes the door and pulls down the blinds so no-one can see in]
Gene Hunt: What is this? A private striptease?
[The team are in the morgue]
Alex Drake: Looks like we’re dealing with murder.
Gene Hunt: [Thinking up a plan] But what if he’s not dead?
[The rest of the team cotton on apart from Chris]
Chris Skelton: [Pointing at the dead body on the slab] I think you’ll find he is, guv?!
DI Bevan: [To Alex] Give me Frank Hardwick, and I’ll give you the story on Sam and Gene.
[Ray and Chris stand in a street waiting for Litton to show up and meet Bevan in a cafe. Ray looks up and notices hundreds of stars in the sky right above them, he seems transfixed on them for a second and once they disappear he turns to Chris]
Ray Carling: Chris, did you see that?
Chris Skelton: What?
Ray Carling: Stars. Lots of stars.
Chris Skelton: What stars? With all this pollution!
Ray Carling: It was weird. It was a bit like we’re on the edge of the world, like we’re bloody astronauts.
[Chris dismisses Ray’s comments]
Chris Skelton: Right, well, radio mission control when you’re on the way to the hospital, yeah?
Ray Carling: [still slightly confused] Yeah.
[Chris heads for the hospital leaving Ray alone in the street]
[Waiting at the hospital for Litton and Bevan, Gene contacts Ray via police radio]
Gene Hunt: This is Dr. Hunt to Nurse Carling...[There remains no answer from Ray on the radio] Ray! If you’ve dozed off...
Alex Drake: [To Gene] I've decided to trust you.
[Gene stares at Alex for a moment]
Alex Drake: But on one condition.
Gene Hunt: Oh, I knew this wouldn't be easy.
Alex Drake: Look me in the eye and tell me you had nothing to do with the death of Sam Tyler. Please. Just tell me.

Episode 6 [3.6]

[edit]
Gene Hunt: Chris, do we have a description of the suspect?
Chris Skelton: Erm, yeah. Male. Tall. Slim build, about 5 foot 12.
Gene Hunt: Sounds like a ponce.
Shaz: How did a riot like this even start?
Ray Carling: Because they took jellied eels of the menu.
Chris Skelton: Guv, the CCTV is up and working.
Gene Hunt: Right.
[The team enter the room with the CCTV monitoring equipment. They view the prisoners on a screen]
Gene Hunt: Can they hear us?
Ray Carling: [Getting close the screen and the mic] Oi! Scrot you’re being watched by DI Ray Carling.
[There is no reaction by the people on the screen]
Gene Hunt: Just been through the prison records seems our escaped prisoner Paul Thordy shared a cell with Jason Sacks. It appears someone didn’t want us to know that, they covered it up.
Alex Drake: What and you believe this is important?
Gene Hunt: [Sarcastically] No, I have just spent the last hour going through all this for my own mindless entertainment!
Shaz: Ray, I need to talk to you.
Ray Carling: Now is not the time, Shaz.
Shaz: Tell me! I heard Chris teasing you about seeing stars?
Ray Carling: It was nothing. [Pause, Shaz looks at Ray, pressing him] Yeah, alright I saw something... stars.
Shaz: Stars all around in a blackness like space?
Ray Carling: Yeah, or like dots of light. You know, like just before you black out. Look, I probably had one too many at Luigi’s, that’s all. It’s no big deal.
Ray Carling: [To Chris] Kinnock or Worzel Gummidge? Who would win in a break dancing competition?
Paul Thordy: [To Gene] I want to float amongst the stars.
[Alex arrives at the cells to see Paul Thordy. She lowers the viewing plate on his cell, Paul is there right up against the glass]
Paul Thordy: I knew you’d come. You’ve got to help me.
Alex Drake: No, no! You’ve got to help me. Our friend is in danger. Is there anything that you can tell me that can help?
Paul Thordy: Yes.
Alex Drake: Well tell me.
[Paul's face turns to a smirk as he starts to laugh]
Alex Drake: It’s not funny!
Paul Thordy: It’s hard not to when you know the truth. [Pause] None of this is real. Sacks isn’t relevant. The riot isn’t relevant. It’s only us that matters Alex.
Alex Drake: Who are you?
Paul Thordy: My name is Sam Tyler. I had an accident and I woke up in 1973.
[Alex backs away from the door and viewing window]
Alex Drake: No! NO!
Paul Thordy: Am I mad? In a coma? Or back in... [Alex closes the viewing shutter on him]
[Alex returns to the cells to question Paul Thordy]
Paul Thordy: Do you get the dizzy spells a lot? What about visions? Do they happen to you? They happened to me more and more as I got closer. I am Sam Tyler, Alex!
Alex Drake: What so you’ve had a face transplant have you?
Chris Skelton: Any news on Viv guv?
Jim Keats: He’s been moved. We can no longer see him on the CCTV.
Gene Hunt: Yes. Feel free to butt in, Jim!
Alex Drake: [To Ray] Why didn’t you tell me that Thordy was Tyler’s last arrest?
Ray Carling: What?
Alex Drake: A week before his accident, Thordy was Sam’s last collar. Why did no one tell me this?
Jim Keats: What now?
Gene Hunt: Now? I’m gonna show you something.
[The scene cuts to Gene’s office. Gene throws a level arch file down on the desk]
Jim Keats: What’s this? Your memoirs?
Gene Hunt: It’s a list of visitors to the prison over the last year.
Jim Keats: Wow! Some good honest police work. Have a sticker.
[Believing they are about to die at the hands of the prisoners, Ray and Chris reflect on life and their friendship]
Ray Carling: You’ve been a good pal to me. I don’t know how to say this without looking like a twat.
Chris Skelton: Go on.
Ray Carling: Well. If you don’t make it out of here, can I have your mug? 'Coz mine is knackered.
Alex Drake: What is it? What’s the answer?
Paul Thordy: It’s... It’s a tin box. The answers are in there. Good luck Alex.

Episode 7 [3.7]

[edit]
[Attending Viv’s wake, Gene loses his temper with Chris]
Gene Hunt: I’ve just lost one of my finest and I’m stuck with officers like you, Skelton, you clumsy bastard [Throws glass at wall]
Jim Keats: The time has come, Alex. Do what you were brought here to do. Get me Gene Hunt!
[Alex enters Gene’s office. Gene stares out of his office window but notices her presence]
Gene Hunt: Bugger off, I’m grieving.
Gene Hunt: Can I please have a bit of peace and bastard quiet!!?!
Gene Hunt: Ray, get yourself back down that shabong.
Ray Carling: Shebeen.
Gene Hunt: Shebangs, Shebeens, shebongs, showaddywoddy... whatever.
Gene Hunt: So what've you got?
Alex Drake: It's Tzi-Tzi, she seems agitated I think she may have something.
Gene Hunt: Good. Well maybe it's about time she had a chat with her Uncle Gene.
Alex Drake: Go easy on her won't you, she's had a hell of a life.
Gene Hunt: The very thought.
[Gene walks away from Alex's desk towards the door and opens it, he looks at Tzi-Tzi]
Gene Hunt: Right Zitty your in with me!
[Ray produces a pocket knife from his jacket to open the barrel in the African's squat]
Shaz: They're illegal!!
Ray Carling: Are they? Maybe we should tell the Police.
Alex Drake: You and I have been through a lot together professionally and you know... in other ways.
Gene Hunt: Come on, spit it out, Bolls.
Alex Drake: Let’s have dinner together. Tonight.
Gene Hunt: Why?
Alex Drake: Because I’ve got a feeling we won’t get many more opportunities, that’s why.
Gene Hunt: What, you mean a date?
Alex Drake: Yeah, I suppose so.
Gene Hunt: Alright, you’re on. But I have to warn you Bolly, first date, upstairs outside only.
Gene Hunt: When I want your opinion Skelton I will ask for it, and I will never ask for it, you prick!
[Gene and the team get a tip off of a murder at an ANC illegal drinking den. They arrive and Gene gets Ray to search the place. Ray goes behind the bar and discovers some blood. He then spots some more and follows a trail]
Ray Carling: Guv, there's some blood... and some more over here.
[Ray and Gene follow the trail of blood until they reach a cupboard. Ray opens it and a bloodied body falls out onto him]
Ray Carling: Bloody Nora!
[Shaz and Ray search the drinking den for the murder weapon. Ray tries to open a barrel containing ale]
Shaz: Ray Carling! What are you doing?
Ray Carling: Just getting myself a sneaky pint. There seems to be a blockage.
Shaz Granger: Yeah... Anyway about, Chris. He really needs to stand up for himself, take control of his own destiny. He’s in denial.
Ray Carling: The Nile? Isn’t that a river in Egypt?
Gene Hunt: [To Alex] This is the final chapter Bolly. In case you haven’t noticed, we are fighting for our lives.
Jim Keats: Do you realise how serious this is?
Gene Hunt: Yes I do. This is gonna be one hell of a last chapter, hey Jim?
[Gene waits for Alex to arrive at Luigi’s Restaurant for their date]
Luigi: Mr. Hunt. Always a pleasure to see you.
Gene Hunt: Yes, well the pleasure is all yours, Luigi.
Luigi: Mr. Hunt is on a date?
Gene Hunt: I am not on a date! I am meeting a colleague for a meal and a professional chat.
Luigi: Well, I know enough about restaurants and men to know a date when I see one.
Gene Hunt: And I know enough about Italians and vats of boiling cooking oil.
Gene Hunt: You scrub up well Bolls.
Alex Drake: Thank you. You don’t look so bad yourself.
[While dining with Gene]
Alex Drake: Have you noticed the strange atmosphere in CID?
Gene Hunt: It’s Viv. They all miss him. He was the quiet one that held everything together, the wheel at the centre.
Alex Drake: And now the spokes have fallen off.
Gene Hunt: Blimey, it’s like being on a date with Leonard Cohen.
[There is an awkward pause and Alex stares at Gene]
Gene Hunt: Go on, say it?
Alex Drake: Say what?
Gene Hunt: Alex, there's an elephant in the room. Let’s get it out the way, hey?
Alex Drake: Alright. [Pause] Did you or did you not kill Sam Tyler?
Gene Hunt: Sam Tyler was a friend of mine. Bloody irritating friend most of the time, it has to be said, [Pause] but I learnt more from him than from anybody else I have ever met. He was strong, decent, a brilliant copper.
Alex Drake: What happened?
Gene Hunt: He’d been acting strange for a few weeks, and Sam Tyler strange was very bloody strange indeed.
Alex Drake: But he was happy here? Everybody says so; he had a girlfriend, Annie. He had you?!
Gene Hunt: Yeah, I asked him what was wrong. He said he couldn’t tell me.
Alex Drake: What did you do?
Gene Hunt: He said he wanted to leave. Then he asked me to help him fake his own death.
[Alex looks stunned and slightly shocked. Gene nods confirming what she just heard]
Gene Hunt: That's why we set fire to the car and pushed it into the river.
Alex Drake: So Sam asked you to commit an illegal act and you went ahead with it?
Gene Hunt: I didn’t want to Bolls. I wanted him to stay. I needed him.
Alex Drake: Well, what happened next?
Gene Hunt: I never saw him again.
Alex Drake: Ha! What? Come on, he just vanished?
[Gene looks at Alex]
Alex Drake: Look, Sam was like me...
Gene Hunt: He wasn’t as annoying as it happens.
Alex Drake: ... Whatever happened to him might happen to me Gene I have to know.
Gene Hunt: I asked him why. He said it would be better for me if I didn’t know. You see this is about respect, Alex. It’s about trust, about faith, something you haven’t learnt yet.
[As their date and discussion about Sam Tyler ends]
Luigi: Mr. Hunt, Miss Drake you want some coffee, a brandy?
Gene Hunt: A brandy, large!
Alex Drake: Just the bill, please, Luigi.
Gene Hunt: Ok fine, but as you’re the feminist you can pay half.
[Drake and Gene share a moment]
Alex Drake: Get your coat. You’ve pulled.
[Ray enters and interrupts, entering the restaurant with some evidence]
Ray Carling: Oi Guv I got something to show you.
Gene Hunt: So has DI Drake and I think hers will be more interesting.
[After a bomb has gone off at the South African embassy]
Jim Keats: I don't like it any more than you, but this is now an international incident. NOt something Fenchurch East really needs at this moment.
Gene Hunt: You know, I don't care about your report, Keats!
Jim Keats: Yes you do. That's what all this posturing's about!
Alex Drake: Guv, this is bigger than a spat with Special Branch; this is another state, another country.
Gene Hunt: "Gene Hunt versus another country"!? I rather like the sound of that!
Jim Keats: You know, you make my job so easy!
Alex Drake: Why haven't you gone home, Shaz?
Shaz: I did, but I couldn't sleep, Ma'am. Thought I'd see how Chris was.
Gene Hunt: Right, where is the Caped Crusader? [Chris walks in]
Chris Skelton: Here I am, Guv.
Gene Hunt: Go and bring Tobias up from the cells.
Chris Skelton: I can't do that.
Gene Hunt: Why not?
Chris Skelton: [noncommittally] He's not there. [looks away]
Gene Hunt: What do you mean, he's not there!?
Alex Drake: Where is he, Chris?
Chris Skelton: I don't know. [Gene rolls his eyes in exasperated annoyance]
Gene Hunt: You know, I realise it's been a long night and you're not the brightest button on the planet...!
Chris Skelton: I let him go. [everyone is shocked into silence]
Jim Keats: You let him go!? You idiot! You've released a murderer! A terrorist!
Gene Hunt: Hang on, you let him go? Although I expressly gave you orders to the contrary?
Chris Skelton: Guv, he was never going to get a fair trial in South Africa, probably no trial at all. So...
Jim Keats: [coldly] This is the ship you run, Hunt. No discipline, no loyalty, no clue!
Ray Carling: Chris, what on earth were you thinking of?
Alex Drake: [trying to calm things] Maybe Chris shouldn't have done it, but now that he has, let's...
Gene Hunt: [furious and ignoring her] You dared to disobey me!?
Chris Skelton: I didn't join the police force, Guv, to be a party to state murder!
Gene Hunt: No, you joined the police force to wipe my arse, Skelton! You joined the police force because nobody else would BLOODY HAVE YOU!
Chris Skelton: You released Tsitsi, Guv, because you wanted a big score! She killed the Special Branch guy, she set off the bomb!
Gene Hunt: Don't you talk back to me, you useless piece of shit!
Alex Drake: Come on now, that's enough.
Gene Hunt: [still ignoring her] You don't have an opinion, you don't make decisions! Do you understand me!?
Chris Skelton: I understand you, Guv, but I don't happen to agree with it.
Ray Carling: Ok, Chris. Listen Guv, we can get in touch with uniform...
Gene Hunt: [ignoring everyone but Chris] What do you mean you don't agree with it!?
Chris Skelton: I don't agree with you, sir!
Jim Keats: [furious] You can phone the Commissioner! You can tell him why you've let a terrorist loose on the streets of London!
[Gene snarls at Keats and then turns on Chris, punching him in the gut]
Alex Drake: Oh, for God's sake!
Shaz: Stop it!
Chris Skelton: Bastard! BASTARD!
[Chris and Gene fight, slamming into desks, eventually ending up on the floor. Ray and Shaz move to intervene, but Alex holds them back]
Alex Drake: Ray, just leave it! Ray, just - ! Just let them get it out of their systems.
[Gene slams Chris to the floor and is about to pummel him, when he realises just what he is doing]
[In Luigis', in the aftermath of Chris and Gene's fight]
Chris Skelton: You're the best DCI I've ever met, and I've been proud to work under you. But I'm not going to be your doormat any more, Guv. Those days have gone.
[Gene walks up to Chris as Shaz, Alex and Ray look on nervously]
Gene Hunt: Are they now?
Chris Skelton: Buy me a drink, and we'll say no more about it. [holds out his hand]
Gene Hunt: Luigi, get Mr. Skelton a drink.
Luigi: Si, Senor Hunt.
[Chris and Gene shake hands, followed by a heartfelt hug]


[Alex and Gene are in Alex’s flat, she puts some music on]
Alex Drake: Let’s have a dance.
Gene Hunt: No, Gene Hunt does not dance.
Alex Drake: No, and he doesn’t hug Christopher Skelton either, does he?
[Having confronted Gene, Chris gets his Life On Mars moment where he hears music and a voice. Afterwards he speaks about it to Ray and Shaz who have had similar moments]
Chris Skelton: I’ll tell you something else about that voice. You remember that landlord at The Railway Arms?
Ray Carling: Yeah, Nelson. How could I forget?
Chris Skelton: Well, the voice, it was him!
[Having left the restaurant Ray, Chris and Shaz are having a discussion that ends with Shaz accusing Ray of being racist towards African people]
Shaz: You’re a racist Ray.
Ray Carling: I am not a racist!
Chris Skelton: Well, you don’t like the Welsh.
Ray Carling: Yeah, but I wouldn’t like them whatever colour they were.
Shaz: God, it’s like 1953 in your heads, isn’t it?

Episode 8 [3.8]

[edit]
[Gene and Alex enter an aircraft hanger where the rest of the team wait with several dead bodies which have had their throats slit]
Alex Drake: What was the estimated time of death?
Gene Hunt: Probably about thirty seconds after they had their throats were unzipped.
[Gene talks to Alex after she has been handed a OS map of Lancashire believing it to be the resting place of Sam Tyler]
Gene Hunt: Why did Shaz give you that map of Lancashire?
Alex Drake: No reason. It’s just I feel a holiday coming up and it’s one of those places I’ve always wanted to visit.
Gene Hunt: This is about bloody [Sam] Tyler again isn’t it?
[Gene and Jim Keats stand in Keats’ office. Jim lays down a large black box on the table in front of Gene]
Gene Hunt: What’s this? Your packed lunch?
Jim Keats: It’s my finished report....on you.
[Gene opens the box and finds a single photo of the house in Lancashire where the body of his younger self is buried]
[Gene and Alex talk following the revelation that Gene is the young dead PC who has been haunting Alex and the dead copper in the shallow grave in Lancashire]
Gene Hunt: Skinny. He was, erm... He was a skinny lad, needed fattening up. It was Morrison, said that -- his mentor, PC Morrison. Yeah, it was Coronation Day. That was a funny one... His first week on the beat. But he had Morrison to guide him. That was until somebody gave him a nip of whiskey, and before you know it, he's hokey-kokeying with the locals. Young bobby's suddenly on his own... Someone broke in here, he heard 'em. Thought they were kids. So he kicks the door open, y'know, like John Wayne or Jimmy Stewart, bam, in he goes. [Gene starts tapping his head.] Y'see, in here... In here, he's not some... snotty kid in a uniform, oh no, he's Gary Cooper in High Noon, he's The Law. [He stops.] Only there weren't kids.
Alex Drake: It was that that man with the shotgun.
Gene Hunt: Didn’t deserve a shallow grave did he? Did he, Alex?
Alex Drake: [On the verge of tears following the revelation] No. No, you didn’t.
[After his beloved car meets its fate during an all-out gun battle]
Gene Hunt: He's killed the Quattro! He's bloody killed my Quattro! Oi! I'm arresting you for murdering my car, you dyke digging toss pot!
[Chris, followed by Shaz head towards the doors of the Railway Arms pub having realized and accepted their fate. Chris addresses Gene while standing by the doors]
Chris Skelton: You not coming in guv?
Gene Hunt: No. Not right now.
[Ray says his goodbyes to Gene before passing over into the Railway Arms]
Ray Carling: You are and always will be “The Guv”.
Gene Hunt: You're in danger of sounding poofy, Raymondo.
[After all the other members of Gene’s team pass over Alex is left alone with Gene]
Alex Drake: So thats it?! I help bring them here with you. It’s over! I’ve done it! I can go home Gene!
[Gene stares Alex blankly in the face. Alex realises but doesn’t quite believe him]
Alex Drake: Gene? No. No! I’m lying in a hospital bed!
Gene Hunt: [attempts to console Alex] Come here Bolls.
Alex Drake: No! It’s not true!
[DCI Jim Keats appears behind the pair in the darkened street]
Jim Keats: Of course it’s not true. He wants you to give up on your life. I told you he’d trick you. [He pulls a scarf from around his neck and hands it to Alex] Here Alex...
Alex Drake: It’s Molly’s! [Sniffs it] It’s hers.
Jim Keats: She’s waiting for you. I can take you to her Alex.
[Gene shakes his head telling her not to listen to Keats]
Alex Drake: What time is it?
Jim Keats: What?
Alex Drake: What time is it? Show me, show me your watch!
[Alex takes Jim’s arm]
Jim Keats: No, No! It’s erm...broken.
[Alex examines the time on the watch and discovers what the time is and what it means]
Alex Drake: It’s 9:06. It’s always 9:06 [Flashbacks show various clocks from the series indicating the time 9:06] That was the time in my hospital room. That was the time when I...
Jim Keats: Look Alex wait, just listen I...
[Gene steps in front of Keats]
Gene Hunt: Hello Jimbo. [He punches Keats who falls to the floor] Goodbye Jimbo.
Alex Drake: [Holding the scarf out to Gene indicating Molly] My baby?!
Gene Hunt: I know, I know! [Pause] It’s the way of the world Alex. She’ll be fine.
Alex Drake: [Breaking down into tears] No...Please listen to me. I can stay here with you. You can’t do this on your own. You need me Gene. Please! I cannot go in there! [She points in the direction of the brightly lit Railway Arms]
Gene Hunt: Yes you can! They’ve got a saloon bar. Can’t have you in my stride can I? You’ll have me questioning whether I’m right all the time and we can’t have that. [Pause] We weren’t bad though were we?
[Alex finally accepts her fate and hands Gene his former uniform identity number]
Alex Drake: Here.
Gene Hunt: See you around, Bolly-Kecks.
[Alex and Gene finally embrace and share a kiss.]
Alex Drake: Goodbye guv.
Gene Hunt: Go...
[Alex slowly walks off alone towards the Railway Arms. Just by the door she stops briefly. She then enters and disappears into a bright white light.]
[With his team having passed on, Gene stands alone in the street with a menacing looking Jim Keats]
Jim Keats: [Laughs menacingly] Ahahahaha! All alone, there’s no one here, oh diddums.
[Keats starts acting crazy while still laughing manically. Gene pulls Jim close to him by the scruff of his coat. They stare each other down and then Gene lets go and Keats walks away]
Jim Keats: [Singing] We’ll meet again, don’t know where, don’t know when! Ahaha! All alone Gene. See ya, wouldn’t want to be ya! [He laughs manically once more as he walks off into the darkness leaving Gene standing alone in the empty street]
[Alone once more Gene enters his CID office and opens a bottle of whiskey while looking at a manual for a new car. As he does so a new recruit enters the office space]
New Recruit: [To the remaining members of the CID team] Whats going on here? Wheres my office gone? Which one of you jokers has got my iPhone? Whats going on? This is my office right here! WHERES MY OFFICE? Well!? One of you morons say something! WHERES MY OFFICE?!
[Gene sees and hears the man from inside of his office. Gene steps up opens his office door and addresses the man in the same way he did when he first met Sam Tyler]
Gene Hunt: A word in your shell-like, pal?

Common Phrases

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DCI Gene Hunt

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  • Fire up the Quattro
  • She's been in front of more beaks than Daffy Duck at a family knees-up.
  • Tora tora tora!
  • Today my friend, your diary entry shall read, took a prozzie hostage, and was shot by three armed bastards.
  • What is this, slap Gene day!?

Taglines

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Series 2: The Eighties Are Back, And It's Criminal
Series 3: In The End The Truth Will Out...

Cast

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Wikipedia
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